28ᵗʰ February 2012
Drew Tom today in art. Unfinished and a little crappy. Staying away from everyone forever and ever. I’ve decided not to sell myself short and be emotionally or physically interested in people that offer me little or nothing in return, mostly emotionally. People always seem to regret getting me to like them. Make up your mind before you fuck about with people. People are cruel sometimes. I’ll move on and get over it soon. I know it. Nothing to report today. Laziness ensues. So much has gone wrong today. Nearly time to give up. Just, not quite yet.
27ᵗʰ February 2012 (Late post)
Nothing much happened to be honest. I went to school. Did nothing. Went to counselling. Felt shit. Went home. Felt crap. I need to pull myself out of this cycle when people make it so hard for me to be happy. It’s really all i wanted. And all I do want. To be happy. Independent contentment has never happened to me and I hate that about myself. Must improve.
26ᵗʰ February 2012
Weird day. Bought lots of stuff, saw Tom, met new people. I was so happy. And now I’m stuck in this vortex of feeling so so awful. I wish i could meet someone that could deal with me and love me. I just wan’t to cry. Its either the fact the feelings aren’t mutual or theres a fucking sea separating us or something. Why can’t things be easy? I just want to get to sleep. I need to cry but it won’t come out.
25ᵗʰ February 2012 / 21/08/2011
It was my birthday today! 17. Wow. Well congrats to me for getting this far. Didn’t have much in the way of an exciting day, got loads of lovely cards from people and I got £300! (I know right omg) I never get more than £80! (which i am more than grateful for, before i get hate) But yeah! Tomorrow will hopefully be much more exciting. Did do something today though, went to westfields, but by the time we got there we only had 20 minutes to shop, resulting in the purchase of 2 new nail polishes, a bottle of coke and some original source shower gel (The minty one). Also, wow i need to go fix my post from last night hahaha.
24ᵗʰ February 2012
I had the best night tonight ever, made sUCH good friends that im seeing tomorrow. Nick and bill — my ‘gay uncles’ awh i love them so much already, gna try my first spliff tomorrow too lol cheeky rebel and then wee’re gonna go to a gay bar in twickenham, bill is a model and nick is a carer that looks like a model and they made me feel so good about myself saying i could do editorials and stuff nad just yeah theyr’re so good oh my god. also met holly and had such a good time with her and yeah omg and andrew was being nice to me (for once) AND ITS MY BRITHDAY TECHNICALLY im gonna have a hangover so bad whatever awh but today was so good ill fix this tomorrow
Thursday 23ʳᵈ February 2012
Way too tired. Cutting my day a little short. Had to stay at college for 2 extra hours to catch up on some work. Excited to get things done though. My art teacher gave me a dictaphone to help me out with writing essays and its so useful already. I’m so sleepy. Goodnight, world! Hopefully more exciting stuff tomorrow.
Wednesday 22ⁿᵈ February 2012
Late post again. Eh oh well who cares. Today Was super fashion forward~*~* (not really). I customised my jacket again.. the one I hadn’t touched for months because it’s too much effort and i dont like how it looks all that much. Also realised I could use my colar as a make-shift spikey garter. Shall be sporting that tomorrow I think. Todays been a good day for plan-making! I’ve got so many good ideas to try out in Art tomorrow, really lovely techniques to add texture, my teacher was even talking about knitting with wire — I think I might knit a canvas to work on for a final piece? Not sure. We also chatted about how to create my Vomit-sculpture. Either PVA Glue or Resin. I’d prefer resin but of course it’s pretty nasty stuff. Also, going shopping on sunday with my cousin and the lovely Tom (Milsom not Cross) and then probably going to slimelight with him the week after maybe maybe If i don’t look trampy. Also figured out my muse for the new module — ELLIE ELLIE ELLIE! I’ll be taking inspiration from her love-sick illustration and others in my vomit-sculpture and probably more later on. Gotta do an interview with her & some other internet friends. Maybe Grossy? Not sure. Hopefully. But yeah I’m just super excited for this weekend! Good day. I’m so tired and my neck hurts ugh FirstWorldProblems.
Tuesday 21ˢᵗ February 2012
Pretty plain kinda boring day. College again, had lots and lots of revision time, mostly spent fucking around with Jayde. I was being a massive flirt with all the boys in my class just because its so much fun to watch straight guys smile awkwardly, though I think they think I’m legitimately funny so its okay — they like me! Showed the work i did over the half-term to my art teacher and she loved it. We had a nice chat about Brighton and how much i’d love it there, so i’m definitely excited to go on a little trip there soon! I’ve been sleepy and Yawny all day! My ear piercing’s doing fine. Way more comfortable. Crystal castles video for ‘Suffocation’ came out today and I couldn’t help but feel a little under whelmed by it, i mean sure — Alice glass looked flawless, but it just seemed medi-ocre in comparison to baptism. Plus, poor Ethan Kath, he may as well be non-existent as far as the video was concerned! And he’s so cute! Not too sure whether his absence was his own choice, though. Now I’m gonna curl up in bed and watch shitty cartoons. I watch shitty cartoons every day, it’s kinda my only routine. OH! This is officially the end of the first week of my diary blog! It’s been fun! Definitely carrying on with it!
(Unrelated old picture that i edited just now!)
Monday 20ᵗʰ February 2012
SHIT SHIT SHIT I FORGOT TO POST BEFORE 12AM.
Never mind I suppose. Today was my first day back to college, I’d been off for a week, but It was actually a pretty nice day. Me and Jayde discussed my hetero-crush on our English teacher Miss Lansley — She’s so beautiful and funny and down-to-earth and lovely to everyone but she doesn’t take shit from any one and yeah, we just doted over her for 2 hours, then I talked about Afrikaans, The disney store, My backpack and Hair dye with my favourite teacher Miss Bosman, she’s so lovely. Then me and my Mum went to sally’s beauty supply to try find Electric Banana Hair dye by Manic Panic; No luck, but I did however manage to find these really lovely turquoise gem earrings for quite cheap, and obviously i had to buy them. Then I got home and napped for like 3 hours, had Burger king for the first time in forever and watched TV. Those earrings had eyes and were staring at me, I swear it. I had to do it. I had to pierce a new hole in my cartilage just to accomodate both earrings. I whipped out my clamps, rubber gloves and sterilized my bathroom, and before I knew it I had a brand new hole in my body.. Again. I think they look pretty sweet together. Still a little swollen, but nothing a little patience, some Savlon cream and a salt wash won’t fix! Other than that I’ve done nothing at all but relaxed. Pretty nice day for a monday, I think!
Sunday 19ᵗʰ February 2012
Fruits of my labour! Actually done some work today. Left is my shitty self portrait collage, made with photoshop and lots of help from my friend Tom, and Right is my english essay! Not exactly fun or exciting but i’m proud of myself for knuckling down. Got plans to do something tomorrow which I hope go well. Won’t be posting those plans here though hohoho. Had a very very boring, but surprisingly productive day. I feel like these posts are just a productivity tracker for myself hahaha. Oh well.
Saturday 18ᵗʰ February 2012
Me and my little brother in PC World today! Me, Chris and Dad all moseyed around shops and fucked about in the rain making each other laugh. I bought a really lovely purpley blue velvet shirt and the hat I’m wearing in the picture. Just had a really lovely time. I really love spending time with my little brother, we always make each other laugh and somehow we get each others humour despite being vastly different ages. Had a really nice day. My mum and her friend are FINALLY patching things up, so for once theres gonna be no bitching in the house — at least for a little bit. Gonna go make some tea and watch some shitty cartoons on toonamiaftermath.com
Friday 17ᵗʰ February 2012
Stayed up ALL last night, till about 12pm, then slept till about 4pm. Had an actual productive day! Bully for me. I did some work on my Art project. The above self portrait is a little different to my usual schtick but i kinda like it! Had a pretty strange day. Been on this emotional tipping point for a while, and i’ve been helter-skeltering all day today. Been strangely exhilarating. Once again, a let down from one friend means I can’t chill with another. Probably gonna go on a little outing with my dad tomorrow to lift my spirits. Kinda-good-day, done!
Thursday 16ᵗʰ February 2012
Been watching Ru Pauls Drag Race all day today. Decided to get my tran on with these knee-high socks my mum bought me (lol). WHY AM I SO UNPRODUCTIVE UGH. I guess I should do some art work today — nah. Doing nothing is so much easier. Also have to do this essay for English. Really can’t be arsed. Someone kill me.
Wednesday 15ᵗʰ February 2012
Today was a little slow, good but slow. Made some plans for this weekend with Mary, hopefully if things play out well, i can actually do something with my weekend! My ‘Prada’ shoes came, way too small. I’m so pissed off cus I was really looking forward to wearing them, ho hum, selling them to my friend instead. Watching Ru Pauls Drag Race, eating pizza. Way happier than i was earlier. Good day I think? Unproductive again, yes — but at least I’m happy.
